Dang that title is an innuendo.
ANYWAY
I think I need to do another letter to the character. She didn't answer my last one, and as I am on Facebook, I believe the correct way to deal with this situation is to KEEP BUGGING HER TILL SHE DOES. (for the record, that is a joke, because I know if anyone reads that they'll ask.)
Not like anyone reads this anyway.
Dear Alanna,
You did not completely disappoint me this time around. Only somewhat. See, what I love about you is that even though you get sluttier and less adorable (did you know google chrome recognizes "sluttier" as a word? Wait, you don't know what that is. You're from the middle ages. Also, you're NOT REAL.) by the minute, you also got more badass. You don't go all OMG I LOVE YOU SO IM GONNA JUST BETRAY LITTLE ADORABLE PAGE ALANNA AND EVERYTHING SHE WORKED FOR FOR LIKE FIVE YEARS AND JUST SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE BEING ALL ILOVEYOU! WITH JON. Instead, well, you've asserted yourself as a total BA to that jerk prince of yours, who is now flirting with some DUMB BLONDE CHICK WHO'S HOTTER THAN YOU AND SLUTTIER BUT HEY YOU'RE BETTER THAN THEM SO WHO EVEN CARES because you have George who is way better anyway. I always preferred him.
I like your performance regarding the little shaman girls. And Ishak deserved to die. Do not cross a girl who rides horses, does magic, wields epic swords of awesome, and has a pet cat that may in fact be a god. Basically, is someone that cool tells you not to do something, for god's sake don't do it.
That is all.
-your least-favorite person in the world besides Duke Roger,
Manon
What would make me really happy right now:
-sushiiii
-more books
-more reading time
-to not be so tired
Next book: either Lioness Rampant or Enclave
PS this book is one of the few examples of the love triangle of doom (see Matched for an explanation of this, I might even start making posts on this sort of thing) that I actually like. I'm making a new tag: Love Triangle Of Doom.
Showing posts with label letter to characters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letter to characters. Show all posts
Friday, June 17, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
In the Hand of the Goddess
Dear Alanna,
Awww, I love you. You're so adorable. Except you're old now, which is really annoying. You were so much cuter when you were all awkward and twelve and like OMGEWBOYSARESOGROSS. And I totally love that You have sort of made out with George a little, so I am happy in that respect. However, I am a bit concerned for the future of your character.
First of all, you're all old and such, so you won't be as fun and adorable. That makes me sad. Also, you're with Jon now. The problem with characters actually hooking up is that there's really not a lot you can do with them now. I mean, if they're SUPPOSED to make out, where's the fun in that? So, chances are, they will break up. Which is annoying. (Note the fact that I cannot write romance because my characters are usually broken up within the same chapter they got together in. I mean, teenage relationships only last so long. "They got together... and yeah. They lived happily ever after." I can't get any thrill into a relationship that WORKS, so I naturally have to destroy it.) If you and Jon stay together for the next two books, they will probably bore me to tears. So, I can tell you this now--whether or not you end up with Jon, the two of you are doomed to some sort of breakup. Also, while George is still alive, he will always be "stalking" you, as you so eleagantly put it. So you two are probably going to make out some more. So please, break up with Jon first, because if you make out with George while you're still with Jon, I'm going to have to consider you a slut, and I don't like sluts. They bother me. They also suck to read about because they are almost always selfish and inconsiderate.
One thing you need to remember in the next book is that you are a knight. You might be a girl and the prince's lover, but you have responsibilities. As pretty much every book of this genre in which the couple hooks up before the end, it is very easy to forget the mission at hand and just run off into the sunset, especially since the mission at hand is fulfilling your responsibilities as a knight of Tortall, which poses no immediate foreseeable danger toward you or a loved one, so running off into the sunset almost sounds kind of reasonable. But No! You must not turn into a girl on me! Just because everyone knows you're female now does not mean that you need to act like it. Remember why you got into this! You cannot betray your adorable twelve-year-old self!
Also, the epilogue suggests that you are leaving on your Adventure! without either George or Jon. There are only a few ways this could go romantically:
1. You spend the whole Adventure! missing Jon and being all "omgimissyoucomebacktome" (Conclusion: the book will suck)
2. Jon shows up at some point and joins you. (Conclusion: The book could go either way.)
3. George shows up at some point and joins you. You guys have fabulous Adventures! but you stay true to Jon. (Conclusion: the book will be okay.)
4. George shows up at some point and joins you. You cheat on Jon because George is older, better, cooler, and also immediately avaliable. (Conclusion: you're a slut and the book kind of sucks, except that George is there and he makes me happy so I'll probably enjoy it somewhat anyway.)
5. You meet a new guy and, due to the law of Everyone Likes the Sexy Maingirl Who Doesn't Realize How Sexy She Is, he falls in love with you and you totally betray Jon but that's okay because he's hot and immediately avaliable. (Conclusion: the book sucks and you're a slut.)
6. You end up back at the palace, there are no Adventures!, and you stay with Jon. (Conclusion: Boooo-ring.)
7. You end up back at the palace, there are no Adventures! of the predicted sort, but you dump Jon/he dumps you, and you and George do something awesome. (Conclusion: this might be pretty good...)
8. Jon has to marry politically (or he finds a new slut) and you run off with George/new guy/etc. and have Adventures!
9. You actually make it through the Adventures! without any romantic affiliation, act like Mini Alanna again, and I love you. (Conclusion: Congratulations! You're awesome! But this will never happen!!!)
Choose wisely, my child. Choose wisely.
What would make me really happy right now:
-Book 3
-My copy of book 2 to have the small cover because the ghetto-copies have the adorable Alannas whereas the big ones have Alanna the Slut, who looks like Tinkerbell crossed with a fish with strawberry vomit on her head (wait, that's HAIR???)
-Sushi
-Money
Next Book: Maybe Paper Towns? I mean, I'm almost done with that thing...
Awww, I love you. You're so adorable. Except you're old now, which is really annoying. You were so much cuter when you were all awkward and twelve and like OMGEWBOYSARESOGROSS. And I totally love that You have sort of made out with George a little, so I am happy in that respect. However, I am a bit concerned for the future of your character.
First of all, you're all old and such, so you won't be as fun and adorable. That makes me sad. Also, you're with Jon now. The problem with characters actually hooking up is that there's really not a lot you can do with them now. I mean, if they're SUPPOSED to make out, where's the fun in that? So, chances are, they will break up. Which is annoying. (Note the fact that I cannot write romance because my characters are usually broken up within the same chapter they got together in. I mean, teenage relationships only last so long. "They got together... and yeah. They lived happily ever after." I can't get any thrill into a relationship that WORKS, so I naturally have to destroy it.) If you and Jon stay together for the next two books, they will probably bore me to tears. So, I can tell you this now--whether or not you end up with Jon, the two of you are doomed to some sort of breakup. Also, while George is still alive, he will always be "stalking" you, as you so eleagantly put it. So you two are probably going to make out some more. So please, break up with Jon first, because if you make out with George while you're still with Jon, I'm going to have to consider you a slut, and I don't like sluts. They bother me. They also suck to read about because they are almost always selfish and inconsiderate.
One thing you need to remember in the next book is that you are a knight. You might be a girl and the prince's lover, but you have responsibilities. As pretty much every book of this genre in which the couple hooks up before the end, it is very easy to forget the mission at hand and just run off into the sunset, especially since the mission at hand is fulfilling your responsibilities as a knight of Tortall, which poses no immediate foreseeable danger toward you or a loved one, so running off into the sunset almost sounds kind of reasonable. But No! You must not turn into a girl on me! Just because everyone knows you're female now does not mean that you need to act like it. Remember why you got into this! You cannot betray your adorable twelve-year-old self!
Also, the epilogue suggests that you are leaving on your Adventure! without either George or Jon. There are only a few ways this could go romantically:
1. You spend the whole Adventure! missing Jon and being all "omgimissyoucomebacktome" (Conclusion: the book will suck)
2. Jon shows up at some point and joins you. (Conclusion: The book could go either way.)
3. George shows up at some point and joins you. You guys have fabulous Adventures! but you stay true to Jon. (Conclusion: the book will be okay.)
4. George shows up at some point and joins you. You cheat on Jon because George is older, better, cooler, and also immediately avaliable. (Conclusion: you're a slut and the book kind of sucks, except that George is there and he makes me happy so I'll probably enjoy it somewhat anyway.)
5. You meet a new guy and, due to the law of Everyone Likes the Sexy Maingirl Who Doesn't Realize How Sexy She Is, he falls in love with you and you totally betray Jon but that's okay because he's hot and immediately avaliable. (Conclusion: the book sucks and you're a slut.)
6. You end up back at the palace, there are no Adventures!, and you stay with Jon. (Conclusion: Boooo-ring.)
7. You end up back at the palace, there are no Adventures! of the predicted sort, but you dump Jon/he dumps you, and you and George do something awesome. (Conclusion: this might be pretty good...)
8. Jon has to marry politically (or he finds a new slut) and you run off with George/new guy/etc. and have Adventures!
9. You actually make it through the Adventures! without any romantic affiliation, act like Mini Alanna again, and I love you. (Conclusion: Congratulations! You're awesome! But this will never happen!!!)
Choose wisely, my child. Choose wisely.
What would make me really happy right now:
-Book 3
-My copy of book 2 to have the small cover because the ghetto-copies have the adorable Alannas whereas the big ones have Alanna the Slut, who looks like Tinkerbell crossed with a fish with strawberry vomit on her head (wait, that's HAIR???)
-Sushi
-Money
Next Book: Maybe Paper Towns? I mean, I'm almost done with that thing...
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