In the Hand of the Goddess

Dear Alanna,
Awww, I love you. You're so adorable. Except you're old now, which is really annoying. You were so much cuter when you were all awkward and twelve and like OMGEWBOYSARESOGROSS. And I totally love that You have sort of made out with George a little, so I am happy in that respect. However, I am a bit concerned for the future of your character.
First of all, you're all old and such, so you won't be as fun and adorable. That makes me sad. Also, you're with Jon now. The problem with characters actually hooking up is that there's really not a lot you can do with them now. I mean, if they're SUPPOSED to make out, where's the fun in that? So, chances are, they will break up. Which is annoying. (Note the fact that I cannot write romance because my characters are usually broken up within the same chapter they got together in. I mean, teenage relationships only last so long. "They got together... and yeah. They lived happily ever after." I can't get any thrill into a relationship that WORKS, so I naturally have to destroy it.) If you and Jon stay together for the next two books, they will probably bore me to tears. So, I can tell you this now--whether or not you end up with Jon, the two of you are doomed to some sort of breakup. Also, while George is still alive, he will always be "stalking" you, as you so eleagantly put it. So you two are probably going to make out some more. So please, break up with Jon first, because if you make out with George while you're still with Jon, I'm going to have to consider you a slut, and I don't like sluts. They bother me. They also suck to read about because they are almost always selfish and inconsiderate.
One thing you need to remember in the next book is that you are a knight. You might be a girl and the prince's lover, but you have responsibilities. As pretty much every book of this genre in which the couple hooks up before the end, it is very easy to forget the mission at hand and just run off into the sunset, especially since the mission at hand is fulfilling your responsibilities as a knight of Tortall, which poses no immediate foreseeable danger toward you or a loved one, so running off into the sunset almost sounds kind of reasonable. But No! You must not turn into a girl on me! Just because everyone knows you're female now does not mean that you need to act like it. Remember why you got into this! You cannot betray your adorable twelve-year-old self!
Also, the epilogue suggests that you are leaving on your Adventure! without either George or Jon. There are only a few ways this could go romantically:
1. You spend the whole Adventure! missing Jon and being all "omgimissyoucomebacktome" (Conclusion: the book will suck)
2. Jon shows up at some point and joins you. (Conclusion: The book could go either way.)
3. George shows up at some point and joins you. You guys have fabulous Adventures! but you stay true to Jon. (Conclusion: the book will be okay.)
4. George shows up at some point and joins you. You cheat on Jon because George is older, better, cooler, and also immediately avaliable. (Conclusion: you're a slut and the book kind of sucks, except that George is there and he makes me happy so I'll probably enjoy it somewhat anyway.)
5. You meet a new guy and, due to the law of Everyone Likes the Sexy Maingirl Who Doesn't Realize How Sexy She Is, he falls in love with you and you totally betray Jon but that's okay because he's hot and immediately avaliable. (Conclusion: the book sucks and you're a slut.)
6. You end up back at the palace, there are no Adventures!, and you stay with Jon. (Conclusion: Boooo-ring.)
7. You end up back at the palace, there are no Adventures! of the predicted sort, but you dump Jon/he dumps you, and you and George do something awesome. (Conclusion: this might be pretty good...)
8. Jon has to marry politically (or he finds a new slut) and you run off with George/new guy/etc. and have Adventures!
9. You actually make it through the Adventures! without any romantic affiliation, act like Mini Alanna again, and I love you. (Conclusion: Congratulations! You're awesome! But this will never happen!!!)

Choose wisely, my child. Choose wisely.

What would make me really happy right now:
-Book 3
-My copy of book 2 to have the small cover because the ghetto-copies have the adorable Alannas whereas the big ones have Alanna the Slut, who looks like Tinkerbell crossed with a fish with strawberry vomit on her head (wait, that's HAIR???)
-Sushi
-Money

Next Book: Maybe Paper Towns? I mean, I'm almost done with that thing...

Nobody's Prize

WAY TO LIKE TOTALLY PUT OFF READING A SEQUEL MANON.
WAY TO HAVE HAD IT THE WHOLE TIME ANYWAY.
WAY OT PUT OFF POSTING THIS FOR LIKE SIX DAYS.
K. Rant over.
This was the book that made me read Nobody's Princess because a) Greek myths and b)girls crossdressing as boys in different time periods to go on an Adventure! that only dudes are supposed to be on.
Me and my interests.
This is gonna be another dialogue because I can't think of a way to express this otherwise.
Esther: Hello, Manon.
Manon: I have a character named Esther.
Esther: Cool. I do... not have a character named Manon.
Manon: No one does. BUT THEY WILL!!
Esther: Erm, yes. Now what did you want to say to me?
Manon: I congratulate you on actually keeping that book plotiful and not going all romance on me and turning Helen into a whore.
Esther: ...Thank you?
Manon: Welcome. Welcome indeed. So is Herakles gay?
Esther:... a little.
Manon: Are he and Hylas a thing?
Esther: Not really.
Manon: Was he gay in real life?
Esther: He wasn't real in real life.
Manon: Grr! And I was hoping Theseus would come around and make a decent fiance... no such luck. Which vastly improves the quality of your writing. (see Never take my advice regarding romance unless you want your book to become a parody of random crack pairings.
Esther: Duly noted...

What would make me really happy right now:
-More hours in the afternoon
-Sushi
-More books

Next book: How to Ditch your Fairy. Coming at you... tomorrow. Was gonna do it now but I'm being kicked out of the living room.

CITY OF FALLEN ANGELS

MAJOR SPOILERS, JUST SO YA KNOW.
LIKE, SERIOUSLY.
Okay, this is going to sound weird, but I AM weird and you know that. So I'll confide in the POSSIBLE ZERO READERS OF THIS BLOG that while reading this book I was screaming at the characters, literally speaking out lound telling them what to do.
And not while home alone. I do this with PEOPLE WATCHING.
So I think I'm going to format this post as my instructions to individual characters, plus ratings on how much I liked them. (1-10, ten is the highest <3)
MAIA:
Honestly, you didn't piss me off too much this time. I didn't like you that much before, but you've won my appreciation <3 GOOD DOGGIE GOOD GIRL. YOU DESERVE A BISCUIT.
JORDAN:
Ditto. You actually made me pretty happy a few times. And I got to quote you once or twice on the Wall of Epic located in my library.
ISABELLE:
So, I will always love you, being so amazingly awesome in every way. You pretty much weren't too evil. I give you an 11. (You really got a nine, but I scale two points for you being so fabulous. ALSO OLIVIA IF YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO READ THIS I TOTALLY WON THE SAIA VS SISABELLE DEBATE FTW.)
Also, it's annoying how everyone in fanfiction and art thinks you have blue eyes even though book one clearly states that they are black. It doesn't remond you often though, the way it does Alec's blue ones, but in this book it comes up a lot.
SIMON:
Beginning of the book: *slap* C'mon Si, you know better than two DATE TWO GIRLS AT ONCE WHO BOTH KNOW EACH OTHER AND CAN QUITE EASILY KICK YOUR ASS ALONG WITH THOSE OF ALL OF THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU. ESPECIALLY SINCE ONE HAS CLAWS AND IS A WEREWOLF AND THE OTHER HAS A WHIP AND KNOWS HOW TO USE IT. TO KILL DEMONS. 1. (that point is just for the fact that you're a bass player.)
End of book: YAY MY SIMON IS BACK *hug* 9.
Also, it bothers me how you were like 6'5 in the first book and all insanelytallandstuff and then in the last chapter you were all OMG IM ALL 5'6 AND SHORTER THAN EVERYONE even though you were all TALLER THAN JACE HAHAH MAN PRIDE in book 1. AND IT'S BEEN LIKE TWO MONTHS SINCE THEN SO DO NOT BLAME PUBERTY.
MAUREEN:
I love you. You're just so cute and out of your league and terrifying and I want to see you kick some demon ass and maybe make out with Simon. If Cassie loves me. (She usually loves me, so I have hope.) I was quite determined that you would return as a vampire, so there was no surprise there. We have not seen the last of you, and YOU WILL DO ANNOYING, AWESOME, AND/OR EVIL THINGS FOR ME IN THE FUTURE, NON? 10 for the rainbow armwarmers.
ALEC:
You were being kind of whiny most of the book, but I guess if I had just found out I was the latest in the long line of lovers, I'd be rather miffed. And then when you shoved Clary out of the elevator, I really wanted to hug you. So you get an 8.
CLARY:
Honestly, I really only love you because you make out with Jace. Also, you're short. Short people are awesome. (See, Sammy? I'm only mean to short people 'cuz I'm jealous.) You get a 9 for being all assertive of your femininity and not all OMG JACE WE CANNOT BE TOGETHER *WHINECRYWAILMOAN* and instead all WTF JACE YOU ARE SO OVERDRAMATIC MY FATHER IS DEAD WE ARE NOT SIBLINGS YOU ARE NOT A DEMON SO THERE REALLY IS NO REASON WE CANNOT BE TOGETHER SO SHUT UP AND KISS ME.
MAGNUS:
Oh, Magnus. Why are you such a slut? I guess I can understand TV tropes' "everything that moves" comment when you mentioned the djinn. And the genie. And the other stuff. But I still love you. Just don't break Alec's heart or I BREAK YOUR FACE. 8.
CAMILLE:
I don't like you. you get a 2 for being French.
JONATHAN CHRISTOPHER MORGENSTERN AKA SEBASTION:
-123456789087654321345678976543245678987654 for obvious reasons.
LILITH:
That to the power of googleplex. Plex. Plex. Plex. Plex.
JACE:
Saving you for last. The mainchick's boyfriend always needs the most lecturing.
So, here goes.
1. YOU AND CLARY ARE NOT SIBLINGS. YOU ARE NOT A DEMON. YOU ARE NOT VALENTINE NOR ARE YOU HIS SON. SO FIND A WAY TO KILL SEBASTION/JCM AND GO BE CLARY'S BOYFRIEND SOMEWHERE LIKE A GOOD LITTLE SHADOWHUNTER.
2. I'M REALLY MAD AT YOU BUT I CAN'T COME UP WITH A GOOD REASON SO DEAL WITH YOUR PROBLEMS AND THEN STOP WHINING.
3. I'M NOT EVEN USING CAPS LOCK. HOLDING DOWN THE SHIFT KEY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M VENTING MY ANGER.

WHAT WOULD MAKE ME REALLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW:
-SUSHI
-Jace to be a good little shadowhunter and get rid of his girlfriend's brother and OH MY GOD STOP WHINING
-BOOK 5. NOW.
-More books
-My books to alphabetize and shelf themselves. I'm catalogueing by author's last name for the first time and like, I have 48 books under the letter B alone. And that's less than S, C and W.

Next book: Revolution? Idk.

Alanna

I really like this story for a variety of reasons. It takes place in the middle ages, for one. It involves magic but odes not entirely center around magic. Alanna herself is interesting and charismatic--I really like her. George is like, my man. And I'm always pretty intrigued by novels centering around a girl in disguise as a guy. I don't quite know why. It's intriguing to me, and the type of thing that doesn't involve anything paranormal but could never be a position I would be put in, both because it's not necessary in this society and because, well, I don't think I would pull it off very well. Despite being called a "guy" or having jokes made about me wherein I am a guy, I think it would be pretty obvious going by body shape alone.
I really want to read the sequel. Unfortunately, when I checked out our local selling-out borders, they had books 1, 3, and 4. Seriously?
But, like I said, I reallyreallyreally like this book, and you can tell because of the shortness of this post. Not one angry rant. Not one! Except I think she could have thrown in a scene where Alanna makes out with George, just for my amusement. Authors should really confer with me before finalizing their novels.
Pierce: So, Mannin, what did you think?
Manon: It's Manon. Muh-non. Ma-nawn. Mispronounce it one more time and you'll be Tamborine Purse for the rest of your life. I can make that happen.
Pierce: ...
Manon: Anyway, I think it was great, except you left out that part where George makes out with Alanna.
Pierce: What part...?
Manon: Exactly. Now, get typing!
Pierce: But, why? That wouldn't bring anything to the story, except make George and Alanna's relationship really awkward. He's several years older than her, and it's been established that Alanna thinks he's lying and is actually older.
Manon: It's the middle ages! People can do stuff like that then! That's why we write in that time period, isn't it?
Pierce: I was more interested in the swordplay, feudal system, roles of men and women, and association with magic...
Manon: Personally, I think the scene would win you fans.
Pierce: Why?!?!?!
Manon: It would appeal to a broader audience. And it would be funny. And more people would talk about it, making more new readers.
Pierce: Somehow that just doesn't seem likely...
Manon: Of course it's likely! If Suzanne Collins had made Katniss make out with Finnick like I said she should, Hunger Games would be Harry Potter but bigger!
Pierce: I just don't understand your logic...
Manon: My logic is the most logical think about me! It worked for Rowling!
Pierce:...?
Manon: RonxHermione, HarryxGinny, HarryxCho, that other dude and that other chick...
Pierce: I think Rowling's success can be more accurately linked to her amazing development of a supernatural world existing alongside our own, her creative magic, her enticing plots, her engaging action, her charismatic characters...
Manon: And her pairings! Don't tell me you don't think HarryxGinny won her some fans.
Pierce: I honestly doubt it.
Manon: That would be me.
Pierce:... oh.
Manon: See? Now, run along and write me that scene, and then I shall approve of your novel.
Pierce:... [mutters] there's something wrong with that girl...

What would make me really happy right now:
-Considering I just wrote that last post on Mockingjay five minutes ago, you can kind of just take a look at that...

Next book: Perks? Who knows?

Mockingjay

I literally just finished this minutes ago. I'm still kind of numb from the ending, but I liked the way it ended--with Peeta. Someday kids will be reading this instead of To Kill A Mockingbird, and I like that, but it also scares me. Katniss, Gale, and Peeta didn't seem quite real to me. But the society--that was reality. It was life. It was humanity. And I don't want it to be real.
I have two very big fears. One is death. I don't want to die. I cannot imagine not existing in this world anymore. Also, I want to leave an impact. I cannot go forgotten--I can't! I need to be smarter than Napoleon, more powerful than the medieval Catholic Church, more inspiring than Gandhi, more interesting than any Hapsburg and even more immortal than any artist or writer or philosopher. Maybe these things are far outside of my grasp, but I have to try! Doesn't everyone want to try? Your life is precious. For God's sake, do something with it! The concept of dying forgotten is terrifying in a new kind of way.
I am also afraid of endings. The last time I enter a room; the last time I see a person; the last chance to take part in something. I am afraid of regret.
I am also afraid of things that are already dead. Bodies of people, creatures, anything. I cannot stand their presence. Will they return, soulless, vengeful, come to take me with them to their realm of hatred and sorrow? I do not like death.
This book unsettles me. It is about death, and it ends. Death makes me feel very alone in the world. Right now, I feel very alone. Please, come, I need your company. Please don't die. Please don't kill me.
Let's live forever, and may our book never end.
I think that's how my mind works.

What would make me really happy right now:
-For someone to buy me the second book in Tamora Pierce's series Song of the Lioness, the individual installment entitled In the Hands of the Goddess.
-Sushi and magic sushi powers, see my last post.
-More books
-A green beret.

Next book: Perks or Alanna.

Angel

ARGENSHNOGGENHIGGENHOGGENHOOFENBLOGGEN.
ASDFGHJKL.
RAWR.
GRR.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Manon is not happy.
Manon is very not happy.
Manon is so unhappy that she's going to speak in third person for this whole post. Or at least as long as she remembers because when she's angry it's hard for her to concentrate.
I am team Fang. I think Max belongs with Fang because the book was written so that the reader becomes emotionally attatched to FangxMax. (Hey, look! I already dropped the thir person thing! Wow, my attention span=squirrel on---Hey look! A pencil!) When Fang and Max parted at the end, I wasn't totally into the whole DylanxMax thing, as Max was not either. I truly felt as if the guy I used to love had just left me with a possible new boyfriend while he fights evil with my clone. This is pretty good writing, but That Is Not How You End A Series!!! That's what EPILOGUES are for. You get me all sappy and pissed and THEN Max and Fang go make out in a corner and everyone's happy again. Or you write another book. You do not leave Manon feeling pissed. Not. A. Good. Idea. And now Manon has to read To Kill A Mockingbird, which she REALLY DOES NOT WANT TO DO. (See next post with a detailed description of Why That Book Sucks.) (Hey look! Back to third person!) Manon isn't happy now. Manon wants to go die in a corner while ripping up old photos of Max-Manon and Fang, which is not how miss Neverhadaboyfriend Manon should feel after reading a mediocre novel several grades below her reading level. Why does Manon torture herself so? Because words are addictive. Or something. But Manon thinks ther should be a law against ending a Whole Frickin Series (like, seven books long) by crushing her hopes and dreams AND THEN LEAVING HER TO READ TKAM IN UTTER SADNESS AND DEPRESSION. (Authors need to pay more attention to the fact that some (strange yet existant) teenage girls have a habit of using their novels to cushion the blow of the bad stuff, like having to read books that suck and not having a boyfriend. Why does this keep going back to that?)
MANON VERY ANGRY.
You know Manon very angry when she leaves out the verbs, because Manon a grammar snob.
Manon isn't going to post any more tonight because Manon is very angry.

WHAT WOULD MAKE MANON REALLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW:
-FangxMax
-Angel to have a better ending
-Angel to have a whole sequel that's way better (Called Iggy, duh.)
-Some sushi, beeey-otch.
-Not having to read TKAM (not even going to bother spelling it out. It's not worth the effort.)
- a boyfriend

Next book:TKfrickinAM

Catching Fire (Post #1)

I have been waiting for this book for like, forever. And that was probably grammatically incorrect, which shows how valid my point is. I do not use incorrect grammar lightly.
Actually, I have found that poor grammar can be used as a literary device to emphasize a point. Go figure.
So, back to the secong installment in Suzanne Collins' masterpiece trilogy. To spoil or not to spoil... I don't think I can do this post without spoiling, so I'll make this a spoiler post. In fact, I have decided to make two posts for it, because I think it deserves it. Plus, I have a lot to say. (See next paragraph.)
So, one thing that I noticed about this book is that it is a lot of bookage, for lack of a better word, on a number of levels. For one, there are a lot of pages (amost 400) and each page has a lot of words. Also, Suzanne Collins maintains a style invlving lots of long paragraphs and few chapter breaks, meaning that there is not a lot of blank space on these pages. There are a lot of words to read, in contrast with my beloved Fang. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, though. It covered a lot of ground.
I think I need a stylist and a prep team. I have too much reading/writing to do to worry about looking good. I think I need people to do that for me. I want my own Cinna. However, Katniss' prep team are pretty aggrivating when it comes to emotional stuff. Grr.
So, I am, if not as my next literary venture then in the next week, going to read the conclusion to the series, Mockingjay. It being the conclusion, this is the best time to make predictions on -girlsqueal- who Katniss ends up with. If anyone. Now, there are a variety of ways this could go. Peeta could die, Katniss could make out with Finnick, and then dump him for Gale. Gale could start dating Madge and then Katniss could go all -jealousyrage- and then make out with Finnick. Or Peeta could find a girlfriend with less -stabstabstabkill- and Katniss could go make out with Finnick. Or Peeta and Gale could kill each other and then Katniss could go make out with Finnick. Either way, there is almost no doubt in my mind that Katniss will, in fact, make out with Finnick. It's just indisputable.
I just realized that Finnick is at least seven years older than Katniss. Oh, well, I'm still betting on the fact that at some point they're going to make out.
I also just realized that I left out the scenario of Katniss just staying with Peeta, because this is a novel, for God's sake. If they end up together at all, Katniss will still make out with someone else at some point. We just know this.
Then there's the possibility of Suzanne introducing a new guy. Since we have the hot older beach dude, the hot artist/baker, and the hot hunter/miner, all we have left are the hot nerd and the hot dude in District 13 that does, like, refugee stuff or revolution stuff or something. Like David from Uglies, maybe. Whatever way, he'll still be hot, because people in books are always hot. *Rolls eyes* Even us book nerds seem to think that everyone is always hot. This is sad.
Well, this concludes post #1.

What would make me really happy right now:
-The Gift by James Patterson (and that other dude)
-Some sushi
-Some Australian fantasy/scifi novels. I think my Amazon gift card can take care of that problem, though :D

Next book: Mockingjay or Song of the Lioness: Alanna (The First Adventure) or some other book.

Spells

I do have a million excuses for not finishing a book in, like, a week, but assuming you don't want to hear them, I shall cut to the chase.
Spells by Aprilyne Pike is the sequel to Wings, which has the same title and disturbingly similar beginning to Wings by E. D. Baker. I actually originally bought it to see if it was a complete copy of it. Although far too similar in beginningness and plot, they have very different vibes. I have decided to devote this posts to why I hate this book but still love it.
Report card! : Ms. Pike gets an A for the character Chelsea, because in this book she's actually pretty interesting. Or at least in the end, which is freshest in my head. Hopefully she'll get a bigger role in the action in book 3. Unfortunately, I do not like how Laurel treats the boys in her life. Also, she is very Mary-Sueish and not very dimensional. She gets a C. David gets a B-, because he lets his girlfriend walk all over him yet is still the whole knight in shining armour deal. Tamani gets an A-, because even though he's sort of jerkish in some parts he has a lot of conflict and his character has layers and all that.
Relationshippydramaness gets an F. The love triangle is way too Twilight and everyone worships Laurel even though she only deserves it, like, once every few chapters. Ish.
Fairy awesomeness gets an A, though, because it's actually very good.

What would make me really happy right now:
-Misaki. Seriously.
-Goliath
-Fang
-Mom to give up the everything-you-buy-gets-saved-for-Christmas because, like, I might run out of books. This is a very imposing threat.
-A couple of Austrailian time travel-related books that are not readily avaliable here, even though other books by those authors are. Gah. I'm gonna need an Amazon shipment by New Year's.

Next book: The Book of Three by Lloyd Alexander (Maybe. As you may notice I'm not very faithful to these next-book thingies.)