Mockingjay

I literally just finished this minutes ago. I'm still kind of numb from the ending, but I liked the way it ended--with Peeta. Someday kids will be reading this instead of To Kill A Mockingbird, and I like that, but it also scares me. Katniss, Gale, and Peeta didn't seem quite real to me. But the society--that was reality. It was life. It was humanity. And I don't want it to be real.
I have two very big fears. One is death. I don't want to die. I cannot imagine not existing in this world anymore. Also, I want to leave an impact. I cannot go forgotten--I can't! I need to be smarter than Napoleon, more powerful than the medieval Catholic Church, more inspiring than Gandhi, more interesting than any Hapsburg and even more immortal than any artist or writer or philosopher. Maybe these things are far outside of my grasp, but I have to try! Doesn't everyone want to try? Your life is precious. For God's sake, do something with it! The concept of dying forgotten is terrifying in a new kind of way.
I am also afraid of endings. The last time I enter a room; the last time I see a person; the last chance to take part in something. I am afraid of regret.
I am also afraid of things that are already dead. Bodies of people, creatures, anything. I cannot stand their presence. Will they return, soulless, vengeful, come to take me with them to their realm of hatred and sorrow? I do not like death.
This book unsettles me. It is about death, and it ends. Death makes me feel very alone in the world. Right now, I feel very alone. Please, come, I need your company. Please don't die. Please don't kill me.
Let's live forever, and may our book never end.
I think that's how my mind works.

What would make me really happy right now:
-For someone to buy me the second book in Tamora Pierce's series Song of the Lioness, the individual installment entitled In the Hands of the Goddess.
-Sushi and magic sushi powers, see my last post.
-More books
-A green beret.

Next book: Perks or Alanna.