MAJOR SPOILERS, JUST SO YA KNOW.
Okay, this is going to sound weird, but I AM weird and you know that. So I'll confide in the POSSIBLE ZERO READERS OF THIS BLOG that while reading this book I was screaming at the characters, literally speaking out lound telling them what to do.
And not while home alone. I do this with PEOPLE WATCHING.
So I think I'm going to format this post as my instructions to individual characters, plus ratings on how much I liked them. (1-10, ten is the highest <3)
Honestly, you didn't piss me off too much this time. I didn't like you that much before, but you've won my appreciation <3 GOOD DOGGIE GOOD GIRL. YOU DESERVE A BISCUIT.
Ditto. You actually made me pretty happy a few times. And I got to quote you once or twice on the Wall of Epic located in my library.
So, I will always love you, being so amazingly awesome in every way. You pretty much weren't too evil. I give you an 11. (You really got a nine, but I scale two points for you being so fabulous. ALSO OLIVIA IF YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO READ THIS I TOTALLY WON THE SAIA VS SISABELLE DEBATE FTW.)
Also, it's annoying how everyone in fanfiction and art thinks you have blue eyes even though book one clearly states that they are black. It doesn't remond you often though, the way it does Alec's blue ones, but in this book it comes up a lot.
Beginning of the book: *slap* C'mon Si, you know better than two DATE TWO GIRLS AT ONCE WHO BOTH KNOW EACH OTHER AND CAN QUITE EASILY KICK YOUR ASS ALONG WITH THOSE OF ALL OF THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU. ESPECIALLY SINCE ONE HAS CLAWS AND IS A WEREWOLF AND THE OTHER HAS A WHIP AND KNOWS HOW TO USE IT. TO KILL DEMONS. 1. (that point is just for the fact that you're a bass player.)
End of book: YAY MY SIMON IS BACK *hug* 9.
Also, it bothers me how you were like 6'5 in the first book and all insanelytallandstuff and then in the last chapter you were all OMG IM ALL 5'6 AND SHORTER THAN EVERYONE even though you were all TALLER THAN JACE HAHAH MAN PRIDE in book 1. AND IT'S BEEN LIKE TWO MONTHS SINCE THEN SO DO NOT BLAME PUBERTY.
I love you. You're just so cute and out of your league and terrifying and I want to see you kick some demon ass and maybe make out with Simon. If Cassie loves me. (She usually loves me, so I have hope.) I was quite determined that you would return as a vampire, so there was no surprise there. We have not seen the last of you, and YOU WILL DO ANNOYING, AWESOME, AND/OR EVIL THINGS FOR ME IN THE FUTURE, NON? 10 for the rainbow armwarmers.
You were being kind of whiny most of the book, but I guess if I had just found out I was the latest in the long line of lovers, I'd be rather miffed. And then when you shoved Clary out of the elevator, I really wanted to hug you. So you get an 8.
Honestly, I really only love you because you make out with Jace. Also, you're short. Short people are awesome. (See, Sammy? I'm only mean to short people 'cuz I'm jealous.) You get a 9 for being all assertive of your femininity and not all OMG JACE WE CANNOT BE TOGETHER *WHINECRYWAILMOAN* and instead all WTF JACE YOU ARE SO OVERDRAMATIC MY FATHER IS DEAD WE ARE NOT SIBLINGS YOU ARE NOT A DEMON SO THERE REALLY IS NO REASON WE CANNOT BE TOGETHER SO SHUT UP AND KISS ME.
Oh, Magnus. Why are you such a slut? I guess I can understand TV tropes' "everything that moves" comment when you mentioned the djinn. And the genie. And the other stuff. But I still love you. Just don't break Alec's heart or I BREAK YOUR FACE. 8.
I don't like you. you get a 2 for being French.
JONATHAN CHRISTOPHER MORGENSTERN AKA SEBASTION:
-123456789087654321345678976543245678987654 for obvious reasons.
That to the power of googleplex. Plex. Plex. Plex. Plex.
Saving you for last. The mainchick's boyfriend always needs the most lecturing.
So, here goes.
1. YOU AND CLARY ARE NOT SIBLINGS. YOU ARE NOT A DEMON. YOU ARE NOT VALENTINE NOR ARE YOU HIS SON. SO FIND A WAY TO KILL SEBASTION/JCM AND GO BE CLARY'S BOYFRIEND SOMEWHERE LIKE A GOOD LITTLE SHADOWHUNTER.
2. I'M REALLY MAD AT YOU BUT I CAN'T COME UP WITH A GOOD REASON SO DEAL WITH YOUR PROBLEMS AND THEN STOP WHINING.
3. I'M NOT EVEN USING CAPS LOCK. HOLDING DOWN THE SHIFT KEY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M VENTING MY ANGER.
WHAT WOULD MAKE ME REALLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW:
-Jace to be a good little shadowhunter and get rid of his girlfriend's brother and OH MY GOD STOP WHINING
-BOOK 5. NOW.
-My books to alphabetize and shelf themselves. I'm catalogueing by author's last name for the first time and like, I have 48 books under the letter B alone. And that's less than S, C and W.
Next book: Revolution? Idk.